Adult Relationships


Disability & Home Visits
Further Discussion:
Adult Relationships
This discussion takes the example of two adults in an equal relationship, whether this is romantic/sexual, friendship or a business partnership, although much of what is said is applicable to other adult relationships, eg. employer-employee.

I do not believe that it is appropriate to advise whether or not a relationship should be undertaken or ended. Seeing how challenges in relationships have arisen (or may arise in the future) and how they might be addressed, is much more fruitful than judging whether or not a relationship is a good idea. All relationships bring up challenges and it is often the ones which show what are traditionally seen as unfortunate astrological features which have greater substance and longevity. It is for the individuals involved to decide whether or not to begin/continue a relationship.

At whatever stage of adulthood we find ourselves, the various parts of our potential, as shown in the birth chart, will be divided between those parts which we are able to identify with and those which remain unconscious. (While they may be unconscious to the person concerned, they may be very obvious to others in their outward behaviour so 'unconscious' does not mean 'unexpressed' but rather not expressed with awareness and control.) Biologists have discovered that we are more sexually attracted to those people whose genetic make-up and immune systems differ from (and therefore complement) our own. Similarly, psychologists have noted that we attract, and are attracted to, people who express the qualities of being which we need to take on board to become more well rounded individuals. The biological dynamic leads to only the offspring benefitting from the complementary natures of parents, but the psychological dynamic can spur each individual in any kind of relationship to attain a greater sense of wholeness. (Of course the offspring of a partnership, whether this is a child, a business or an adventure, can also benefit if the individuals learn from one another and complement one another’s ways of being rather than battling for control.)

The birth chart will help to clarify which values and character traits have yet to be owned by each individual and therefore colour attraction. Often when comparing the charts of people who are in some kind of relationship, it is seen that their charts show very similar patterns, with what is conscious in one being unconscious in the other, and vice versa. In other instances, one chart will exhibit strongly the energies that are weak or absent in the other chart. In either case, each person is mirroring that which is yet to be developed by the other.

One of the most common ways in which people polarise involves one person’s need for more intimacy conflicting with a need for more independence by the other. In such cases both people usually have this ‘freedom-closeness dilemma’ within them, which will be reflected in the charts, but each clings to one side of it. This is an example of the way that each individual can learn from the other, and how the birth charts validate the needs of the other and encourage new potentials to be realised. The chart of one person will reflect her/his fear of intimacy, where it comes from and how this issue can be worked with, and the chart of the other person will illuminate her/his issues around isolation. Once a balance has been found (or a see-saw if that works better!) then both people can have the best of both worlds.

Although this needs to be checked on each occasion, especially as gender roles become increasingly flexible, the Moon and Venus in a man’s chart, and the Sun and Mars in a woman’s chart, tend to be looked for through a partner to some extent. If the Sun and/or Moon are being experienced through a partner it is particularly important that the individual tries to find these qualities within her/himself, as they are the prime focus of yin and yang energies in the psyche. To live out the Sun vicariously is to revolve around the partner and her/his goals, having little sense of the purpose and validity of one’s own life. And to know the Moon only through a partner is to miss out on the deep satisfaction of feeling directly connected to one’s body, home, loved ones, and the earth itself.

Venus and Mars are the energies of yin and yang manifesting through (amongst other things) sexual energy and the sharing of affection, so they are especially important indicators in a sexual relationship. The 8th house has traditionally been called the house of sex, and it does colour one’s sexual experiences. However it is ultimately the house of intimacy, sharing, and surrendering of control (and the life-changing experiences which can result.) This could refer to a business venture where resources are shared, as well as opening oneself to the intimacy of sex and the surrender of orgasm. Sexual issues can often be traced back to the 8th house and a reluctance to let go emotionally.

The twelve signs are grouped into the four elements, and one or more element will usually be sought in partners or friends rather than consciously expressed. Saturn's placement in the chart shows where in life we are afraid, and so also adds to the picture of what we have difficulty living for ourselves.  

The two lines that show the orientation of the birth place to the heavens at the time of birth, called the horizon and the meridian, also give valuable information. The point on the horizon that was rising at birth is usually quite easy for an individual to identify with, but the opposite point is usually looked for through partnership, along with energies that are about to fall below the horizon in the west shortly after birth. The meridian, which points North and South from the birth place, describes the experience of being parented, and since unresolved issues from childhood invariably resurface through those we are close to later in life, this is another very important part of the chart to examine.

The factors discussed above are usually the most important factors in the comparing of charts, but in reality the whole chart is relevant, especially when two adults are living together and so are entwined on many different levels.

The angles made between planets and points on one chart and those on the other are also of great importance, showing how each person will ‘activate’ different parts of the other’s psyche. Also, a composite chart can be created, in which each planet and point is placed midway between its positions on the two birth charts. The composite chart reflects the nature of the relationship as an entity in its own right, how others tend to see it, and its purpose in the world is.

Finally it is worth mentioning the part that transits and progressions (which reflect the unfolding of the potentials shown in the birth charts or the composite) play in chart comparison. People who are close in some way tend to have birth charts in which planets occupy related points on the zodiac, which are ‘hit’ by transits at the same time, giving rise to ‘shared experiences’.  In such cases one person may experience the transit as something that comes at them through the partner rather than as an inner stirring. For example one person may feel a need to revolutionise her/his life in some way and the other may experiences this as an unwelcome disruption to the status quo of the relationship. The reluctant partner may have a point by resisting excessive disruption, but may also benefit by consciously embracing change at this time. Again, the key is to use the charts to help strike the right balance so that the relationship continues to support the growth of both individuals.




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A brief description of chart comparison is given on the Consultations page, or contact me for more details.